Category: Joke Board
"Louisiana Senator David Vitter has admitted he was a client of the DC madam. She made public a list of all her clients' phone numbers. Here's my question:
If you're so stupid to go to a prostitute and give her your real name and your Senate office phone number, how did you get elected in the first place?"
--Jay Leno
"President Bush held a press conference yesterday to discuss the latest report out of Iraq. He says there's plenty of reason for optimism, although I'm
starting to get the feeling he doesn't know what that word means." --Jimmy Kimmel
"It seems that a member of the Florida House of Representatives and the co-chairman of John McCain's Florida campaign, a man named Bob Allen, has just been
arrested for soliciting an undercover male police officer for sex. He offered to perform a sex act on the police officer for $20. Remember the good old
days during a campaign, when you only had to kiss babies? It is so competitive now for what you have to do to get elected." --Jay Leno
"The President's approval rating just keeps getting lower and lower. Right now, he's somewhere between former President Richard Nixon and the hunter who
shot Bambi. And by tomorrow, he's expected to rank somewhere between John Mark Karr and Chinese toothpaste." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, he's admitted now he dates hookers in Washington, D.C, and also in Louisiana. But, he said, in his defense, he
always selected the girl with the lowest bid. So he's fiscally prudent." --David Letterman
"Later this summer the first ever gay presidential debate will be held, where Democratic candidates will answer questions posed by the gay community. Yeah,
question number one is very good. Question number one: Why can't health care be more fabulous?" --Conan O'Brien
"According to the current issue of Sports Illustrated, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has become a 'golf nut.' She's pretty good, too. The only sand
trap she can't get out of? Iraq." --Jay Leno
"Some sad news I should mention, Lady Bird Johnson passed away at the age of 94. Laura Bush praised her as a pioneer and an icon, while President Bush praised
her as a lady and a bird." --Conan O'Brien